Dear Mr. Trump: Your Contract Will Not Be Renewed

Photo by C Drying on Unsplash

November, 2020

Donald J. Trump, The White House, Washington, DC

Dear Mr. Trump:

We regret to inform you that we will not be renewing your contract for another four years in your role as President of the United States. The character you have created for this role has certainly been unique — a president who cares only about himself and his ratings, lies frequently to excite his base of support, and is able to bend an entire political party to his will. This character generated more interest, more emotion, more love, more hate than any previous character we have had in this role. Viewers around the country could not stop talking about you. The ability of your character to create controversy on a daily basis was truly remarkable. Your introduction of some interesting characters such as William Barr and Rudy Giuliani also increased controversy and interest. Those of us who work in media, particularly Fox News, MSNBC, the New York Times, Twitter, and late night talk shows, are forever grateful for the viewers and profits you have brought us.

However, when the pandemic was introduced to our story line we were looking for your character to have more range, more nuance; one who could be empathetic and listen to scientists. Unfortunately you stayed true to your original character, and that’s one of the main reasons we need to let you go. With the latest plot circumstances your character seems both whiny and pathetic in trying to make his case for voter fraud to our viewers, and the Giuliani character has run completely off the rails. This is not good for your character’s image or for our ratings.

As you know, we have the largest, most comprehensive rating system in the world and the viewers have spoken. There are 79,823,827 votes against keeping you for another four years, and 73,786,905 for keeping you. Our executive committee, known as our “Electoral College”, has informed us that they will be voting 306 against and 232 for. So we need to let you go. Please be cordial in welcoming the new person we have selected for this role.

Sincerely,

The Network of American Voters

Everywhere, USA